If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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