So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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