My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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