i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
