when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
