Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
