plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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