I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
