I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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