She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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