ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
