i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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