I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
