he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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