New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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