Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
