Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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