Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
