I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
