Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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