I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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