you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize