yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
