He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
