You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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