a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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