where does the pee come out of this thing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
