Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Two words: blizzard sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
