Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
