My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
