I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize