I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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