Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
