I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
