Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
