census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
