thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
