Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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