I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk is a universal language darling
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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