I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
