I think I died a long time ago.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dick very happy bro
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
