i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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