Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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