i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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