Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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