He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
