he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
