Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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