I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
