Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize