my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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