My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize