We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
