yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
