He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
