Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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