Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
