That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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