I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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