Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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