we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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