i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
