I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
