i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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