I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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