just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
