I faked an abortion last night.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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