Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize