just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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