Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
