Just fell off a train. Bad.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
