i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
