I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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