I didn't shave. On purpose
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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